the importance of clear communication
differences in cultural backgrounds [see Value Systems]
    implicit messages
        assumptions about the basic structure of the world
    explicit messages
        laws, traditions, customs
baggage  
    the word can have negative connotations
    affects interpretation of messages
    the sum of our own life experiences
        different for each person
        cultural baggage
            acquired while young - before 9
            mother culture [see Ecology]
                implicit rather than explicit
        personal baggage
            superstitious learning
                alters world-view
limitations on social interactions
    [see Anthropology & Psychology]
    "real" humans
        maximum number: 25
    the other
        four orders of foreignness  
            Speaker for the Dead - Orson Scott Card
                Demosthenes / Valentine Wiggins
                utlannings
                    a stranger of our world, human, but of another city / country
                    from same culture but a different location
                framling
                    a stranger, human, but not of our world
                    from a different culture
                ramen
                    a stranger, human, but of another species
                    an anthropomorphized being
                varelse
                    animals, with which no conversation is possible
                    living, but little or nothing in common
dealing with relational differences
    holding a bird
        too tight
            culture of fundamentalism
                the "truth"
                text over experience
                    strictly by the "book"
                        dogma
                            An authoritative principle, belief, or statement of ideas or opinion, 
                                especially one considered to be absolutely true. [AHD3]
                unchanging
                us vs them mentality
                elimination of the other
                the irreversibility of "evil"
                    the final solution
        too loose
            culture of consumerism
                things
                    image over relatedness
                    everchanging
                    from giving ==> to selling
                    art ==> advertising
                    poetry ==> jingles
                    debate ==> posturing
                    love ==> sentimentality / indulgence
                    sexuality ==> pornography
                    struggle ==> convience
                    humor ==> sarcasm / mockery
                    participation ==> spectatorship
               indifference & addiction
                    acquisition & consumption
                    privacy over communitas
                        not in public life / community bonds of shared beliefs and experiences
                    maxima not optima
                        more is better
                        faster is better
                degrees of distortion through imagery
                    1) reflects reality
                        imperfectly
                            the map is not the territory
                    2) masks / perverts reality
                        the poor and the police
                            "to serve (the rich) and protect (their property)"
                        propaganda
                            "we print all the news that fits"
                    3) masks absence of reality
                        we're not doing anything, and stop bothering us about it
                            "all possible steps are being taken"
                        political campaign "promises"
                            "if I'm elected, I'll…"
                        working on the symptoms, and ignoring the problem
                            "the war on drugs"
                    4) has no relation to reality
                        make of car equals sex appeal / social status / ability to provide
                    5) manipulation of symbols to stimulate
                        advertising
                            relying on stimulation rather than logic, to make the sale
        neither too tight nor too loose
            bissociation
                holding and integrating two disparate frames of reference
psychological shorthand
    pattern recognition
    stereotypes
    assumptions
You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation - Deborah Tannen
    message
        metamessage - information about the message
            framing - places the message in context
                alignment / position
                perceived context may not be intended context [especially between genders]
    different cultures for men & women [see Gender]
        genderlect - different worlds / different words [meanings]
            women
                intimacy
                connection
                symmetry - equal
                small groups or pairs
                intimacy determined by relative closeness
                express preferences as suggestions
                everyone gets a turn
                no winners or losers
                don't stand out [conform to the "group"]
                create community - egalitarian
                rapport talk
                focus is on metamessage & framing
            men
                status
                independence
                asymmetry - ranked
                larger groups [than women]
                status determined by giving orders & making them stick
                take center stage
                extended turns
                winners & losers
                boasting about skills
                manage contest
                    establish order
                    taxonomy in boys' development
                        - classification of organisms in an ordered system
                            that indicates natural relationships [AHD3]
                report talk
                focus is on content
sensitivity training for men
    judged by women's standards
    what they really mean
        increased abilities to detect others' attempts at intimacy and to appropriately reciprocate
assertive training for women
    judged by men's standards
    what they really mean
        increased abilities to determine others' status and to increase your own
gossip
    part of being human
    talking about
        news
    talking against
        rumor
gender roles: protector & protected
lecturing & listening
complementary schismogenesis
    - mutually aggravating spiral of responses
        pressing hot buttons
 
The Courage to Love: Principles and Practices of Self-Relations Psychotherapy
    - Stephen Gilligan